Joy & Chaos: An optimist's guide to navigating the wedding season

I wouldn’t classify my dad as an actual “wedding crasher”.

But, when the opportunity presented itself, he’d find creative ways to get himself and my mom onto the guest list.

One of my favorite examples of my dad’s ability to charm his way onto the “A” list was when my college roommate, MBJ, announced her plans to get married in June at the Yacht Club.

When the talk of her pending nuptials at the swanky yacht club arose, Dad couldn’t help himself. He had to scratch that “wedding guest” itch.

“When is your roommate coming to visit?” he would ask, looking for a chance to drop a few hints.

“What did you say her fiance did in NYC?” he would subtly inquire during dinner.

“I wonder what it is like at the Yacht Club in June?” He was unrelenting.

“Okay Dad, I’ve got it. You want to go to the wedding.”

It turned out that Dad didn’t have to campaign at all. My wonderful roommate had included my parents on the guest list from the start. The June wedding at the Yacht Club was beautiful and truly exceeded my dad’s expectations. His only complaint was that the cake was a “little dry”. That’s a story for another day.

You’ve got mail

I’m always thrilled when I receive the elegant envelope addressed with cursive handwriting in the mail. First, I’m glad to see there is still a use for cursive writing. More importantly, it means that someone I care about has found a partner who loves them for who they are. Authentically. Warts and all.

Weddings are joyous occasions that bring people together from all ages, geographies, cultures, and fashion styles. We join in these celebrations to rejoice in the happiness that two people have found in each other.

We RSVP. Select the beef dinner option (after all it is a celebration). Search for the perfect, thoughtful gift (I highly recommend the gorgeous, handcrafted, personalized charcuterie boards from my dear friend Jeff at www.readingmills.com).

Then we pack our finest clothes, polish our shoes and nails, take the plane, train, rental car, or Uber, and show up for the happy couple.

No two weddings are alike.

While they share similar ingredients, each wedding reflects the mysterious alchemy that results from bringing together two unique hearts. You see the magic in the invitation, venue, adorable flower girl and boy, heartfelt ceremony, place cards, table arrangements, thoughtful, while slightly inappropriate maid of honor and best man toasts, and frenzied dancing with eccentric aunt <insert name here> to the Hora, UpTown Funk and the latest song of the summer.

As of late, there are a few new positive additions.

The signature cocktail. This celebratory libation is usually reflective of a pet “Sparky’s Tail-Wagger”, “Puppy Love Punch” and the “Pawsitively Perfect Martini” or a hobby, “The Goalgetter Gimlet” or “The Penalty Kicker”. From my experience, while you may be tempted, you don’t want to have too many of these. They might feel great going down, but you could regret it in the morning.

The other delectable innovation is the midnight snack. This usually comes out after the guests are suitably inebriated and sweaty after all the dancing. These scrumptious treats range from the decadent doughnut wall to a savory mini slider bar or the yummy chicken and waffle skewers. Same suggestion here. Don’t overdo it with the mini grilled cheese and tomato soup shooters. What seemed like a good idea at midnight, might not feel that way at 8:00 am.

Weddings take us out of our day-to-day routine.

Because two people, who we care deeply about have dared to commit to each other “till death do us part”, we take the leap too. We show up at the celebration, get out of our comfort zone, and interact with humans we don’t know, at a place we have most likely never been.

Confession time. After all these years, I am still nervous when I walk up to the table with the place cards. I feel like I am back in middle school, pigtails, braces and all, walking into the lunchroom on the first day of school. Where am I going to sit and who am I going to sit with?

Without fail, the fear and trepidation quickly melt away, when the well-dressed waiter arrives with a glass of champagne. “Would you like a glass, miss?” If it wasn’t rude, I would probably take two.

Why do we love weddings?

I love weddings because of what happens once the folding chairs are put away, the gifts are opened and the photos are posted. After the fanfare has faded, the couple has a relationship that is theirs alone. Just for them. Built on shared values.

For better or worse. Their union means it is okay if one of them leaves dried-out contact lenses on the bedside table. Or forgets to clean the toothpaste luggies from the sink after they brush their teeth. It means if one of them has a bad day, the other one sneaks a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge. They revel in the joy of each other’s friends. And share in the exasperation their work adversaries create. They celebrate the best in each other and learn to understand and appreciate the worst.

I’m not naive enough to believe that “happily ever after” happens for everyone. I know that there is not a proven formula for a perfect marriage. Forever partnerships take hard work, empathy, compassion, a sense of humor, patience, and time.

The reason that I love weddings is that they remind us to keep on trying.