A cheat code I wish I knew earlier on in my life

Humble wisdom to enrich your day

I have some grey hair.

I would have way more of it without the magic of Clairol’s Root Touch-Up.

The fact that I use root touch-up is not the cheat code. It’s a bonus beauty tip just for you, my dear readers.

The point of my hair color confession is to earn a little street cred before I launch into my story.

I’m not a huge self-help person.

I’m not into those inspirational sayings you find on posters of sunrises on the beach and flocks of birds flying in perfect formation in the doctor’s waiting room. And, to be honest, I find the sayings on the mixed media wall art at Hallmark Gold Crown stores insipid.

That said, I’m always on the lookout for ways to better understand myself and navigate the world I live in. When I come across one that has meaning for me, I guess it might have meaning for others. Over the next few posts, I’m going to share some of the cheat codes that have really made an impact on me over the years.

This first bit of wisdom I learned during my divorce. Ironically, it had nothing to do with the negotiations with my ex. (Those went fine, and to this day, we have a really solid relationship). I actually learned this from a friend who was fighting a crippling disease. He shared this piece of wisdom as a roadmap for how he made it through his day.

Cheat code #1: You learn more about yourself from people and situations that challenge you than the ones that support you.

Who doesn’t like to be told that they look great, did an incredible job, or that their idea for a new way to use ChatGPT is genius? Right? Those moments of joy provide a fleeting sense of warmth, pride, and validation. You work hard holding a plank pose for a minute, you pass on dessert for a week, and you honestly try to understand what GPT means (Generative Pre-Trained Transformer).

It feels great. Someone noticed your effort. You are on the right track. Keep it up.

But think about it. Did it really make a lasting impact on who you are? Teach you anything material about yourself?

No pain. No gain.

Now consider someone who frustrates the sh*t out of you. Who makes you red-in-the-face angry? Someone who awakens feelings that lay dormant, hidden safely behind your grown-up facade. You know who I am talking about. The annoying co-worker I ranted about earlier this year. The condescending boss who made you question your intelligence and, worse, your personal worth? And my personal Achilles heel, the dreamy high school boyfriend with the six-pack abs and the tiny waist who, with no notice, broke my heart.

Just thinking back on those relationships makes my pulse race and my heart hurt. Every one of these interactions still brings raw energy to the surface. These are not fleeting feelings. They are powerful emotions that have an annoying way of demanding to be acknowledged, recognized, and dealt with. They make you uncomfortable and require thought and action.

You have a choice. Either you work through them or push them back down under the carpet (that’s how my beloved describes it). Warning. If you push them back down under the carpet, they will be back again when you least expect it. Take it from me. It’s pretty messy under my carpet. At some point, I’m going to need an industrial-sized vacuum cleaner.

But I digress. Let’s get back to the cheat code.

When you come across a person who awakens some powerful emotions in you, don’t shove them (the feelings and the person) under the carpet. Be thankful. While it may not feel as great as winning the lottery. It will make you far richer in the long run.

Now, what’s your favorite cheat code?